Be A Man: Prioritize Your Mental Health
Men, we need to do a better job of prioritizing our mental health. If we’re struggling with mental health or simply want to improve our mental fitness, let’s work at it, be vulnerable, and reach out for support. Here’s why we should and how we can start.
This is the first post in our Movember ‘Be A Man’ series in which we’ll reframe issues about masculinity and men’s mental health. Follow us on Instagram @wgpsychology if you want to see future posts in the series.
The State of Men’s Mental Health
We men don’t do a great job of prioritizing our mental health. We’re about half as likely as women to seek mental health services, which is connected with social pressures to be tough, independent, and aggressive. These and other issues related to masculinities keep us from seeking support and living the best lives that we (and those around us) could.
Men’s mental health needs and difficulties are different than those of other folx. We know this because of the disparities in the way social and mental health problems present in men.
On average, men are more likely to:
Be victims and perpetrators of physical violence
Misuse alcohol and drugs
Have fewer social supports
Die by suicide
Engage in more risky and unsafe behaviours
Use healthcare services less frequently, mental healthcare in particular
Have less effective long-term coping strategies for managing distress
These social and mental health issues are often amplified for boys and men from marginalized groups, including racialized, queer, and Indigenous communities.
Ideas of Masculinity
Notions of what it means to be a man can vary considerably depending on the time, place, and cultural contexts in which they exist. Masculinities and their associated beliefs and behaviours can be very different across different groups, although some common themes related to majority Canadian masculinities can include encouraging men to:
Be self-reliant and ‘tough’
Prioritize achievement, particularly regarding career advancement and wealth
Restrict emotional experience and expression (except anger), particularly with other men
Avoid the appearance of being perceived as ‘feminine’ or ‘weak’
Support and enact aggressive, dominant, and/or violent attitudes and behaviours
Men who rigidly adhere to these “traditional” or “toxic” notions of masculinity are more likely to suffer from the social and mental health issues listed above. A rigid assumption that there is a “right” way to be a man can be damaging to our health, and potentially to the well-being of those around us.
Social Determinants of Health
Taken together, it’s evident that there are social and cultural pressures that affect boys and men in (sometimes) harmful ways, and that these pressures on boys and men can cause some to act out in ways that hurt themselves and other folx.
Taking care of boys’ and men’s mental health (and everyone else’s by extension) needs to include an emphasis on the social determinants of health. This involves seeing that health behaviours and outcomes are inextricably linked with ‘social’ issues like: (1) Educational attainment; (2) Income and employment security; (3) Adequate and stable housing; (4) Food security; (5) Social inclusion and non-discrimination; and (6) Access to meaningful, affordable, and quality healthcare. Most of us are less likely to be physically and mentally well if these social foundations of health are missing, and taking care of men’s health is no different.
How to Improve Men’s Mental Health
Since there are differences in health and social factors across genders, it stands to reason that the ways in which to address those issues should also differ across genders.
Men tend to overuse unhelpful coping strategies that are linked with traditional views of manliness, such as misusing alcohol and drugs to numb emotional pain, isolating from others, engaging in risky behaviours, hiding negative emotions, and prioritizing self-reliance over social and professional support. For ourselves as men and those around us, we need to do more to take care of ourselves if we’re struggling.
While we need to continue to work to improve the social determinants of health as a broader society, there are still many ways in which we can work to improve men’s mental health at an individual and small community level. Here are some ideas to help you and the men in your life improve mental health:
Acknowledge and accept your emotions. One of the key foundations for emotion regulation is knowing and accepting what you’re feeling. Traditional Canadian masculinity seems to teach men to identify and express anger, yet other emotions like sadness, fear/anxiety, shame, and joy are not embraced in the same way. Feel and own your feelings! Even if your feeling is unjustified in the situation and you want to change it, the first step to change is acknowledging that the feeling is there. Go to this excellent (external) website called The Atlas of Emotions to learn more about your feelings.
Talk! Talk to supportive friends, family, colleagues, neighbours, professionals, whoever. Don’t just talk about the Maple Leafs (though, sure, do this too), but also talk about your issues with your kids or partner, stresses with your work, or concerns about your mood or anxiety. The key is to talk to people who will support you in these conversations. Note that I’m not suggesting you make everyone in your life your therapist (not a good idea), but I would encourage you to develop a few close relationships in which you can talk about deep issues openly. Many of us men just rely on our spouses for these conversations, which is why events like divorce are disproportionately negative for men. Challenge yourself to widen your inner circle!
Listen actively to others. The other side of the communication issue is that your male friends are also likely to be tight-lipped about deeper topics, so when they come to you, try your best to really listen and engage with them by listening actively. Active listening means appearing engaged in conversation, avoiding judgment and advice-giving, and demonstrating to the other person that you’re interested in what they have to say (not just waiting for your turn to speak or changing the subject). Active listening is a skill like any other and takes some practice, so work at it!
Manage substance misuse. If your substance use or recovery from substance use is causing you major distress or leading to avoidance of key responsibilities (e.g., missing work, avoiding housework, avoiding your partner or kids, etc.), then you’ll want to take a hard look at your use and see if you need to cut back or abstain. You can try an external tool here that may help you identify whether your substance use is problematic.
Seek medical help. This isn’t just for mental health care, although yes, seek that too if needed. Talk to your doctor about that mole on your back, the chronic pain in your knee, or the swelling in your testicle. Men are less likely to engage with all forms of healthcare, and you’re less likely to feel mentally well if you have an ongoing physical health issue. Speak with your doctor openly about your concerns (or get a doctor if you’ve been avoiding this), and double up by talking about your mental health at the same time.
Practice adaptive coping. There are many skills that we can learn to help us manage uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. Two of our previous blog posts outline helpful strategies to manage unhelpful anxiety and depression. Some ideas include:
Exercise! Getting moving for some moderate-to-vigorous exercise is a great way to improve mental and physical health. Consider to what degree individual vs. team activities are a better fit for you, since the latter can sometimes exacerbate mental health issues by increasing anxiety, aggression, embarrassment, etc.
Notice warning signs. Men tend to display distress differently than others. Key warning signs that you or a man in your life are experiencing mental health issues include sustained increases in: (1) Anger and aggression; (2) Substance use; (3) Social withdrawal and isolation; or (4) Risky and reckless behaviours.
Manage big life transitions. Employment changes, such as being laid off or retiring, and relationship losses, like a divorce or death of a spouse, can be particularly challenging for men. Be aware if you have a major transition like this on the horizon and be proactive in managing it, particularly in seeking social or professional support.
Final Thoughts
We men need to consider what it means to take care of our mental health and reframe what it means to be mentally and emotionally strong. It takes strength to learn to identify your emotions and develop new strategies to manage them. It takes strength to tell your friends that you care about them or that you’re struggling. It takes strength to be vulnerable and ask for help from a professional. Do not confuse strength with emotion suppression.
You don’t get physically stronger by avoiding the gym and lifting the weight. In the same vein, you don’t get mentally and emotionally stronger by avoiding the challenging emotions, experiences, and relationships in your life.
Build your emotional strength and stamina by putting in the work and doing the difficult things you’ve been avoiding. Your future self and the people around you will be thankful you did!
Disclaimer: This post is intended for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for psychotherapy. The information provided is general and may not be appropriate for your particular mental health needs. Always consult a qualified health professional to discuss your personal needs and goals.